Friday Fictioneers – Dust to Dust

Part of Friday Fictioneers, a challenge set up at Rochelle’s blog.ย 
The idea is to write a write a one hundred word story that has a beginning, middle and end based on a photo prompt. This week’s image belongs to Janet Webb. word count: 103 (oops.) ๐Ÿ™‚

copyright-janet-webb

*

The barn out back is home to buzzing insects and a swallowโ€™s nest, and she is not surprised to find him standing in the door one day, studying the rafters over their heads.

The sun through the broken panelling reveals the hay dust in his black hair and she remembers running her fingers through to remove the rough bits, ten years ago on this floor with her legs wrapped around his teenagerโ€™s hips. Her father had said he would surely break the boy’s neck, and she’d never seen the farm hand again.

โ€˜Do you think it can be fixed?โ€™ she says, and Adam nods.

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25 thoughts on “Friday Fictioneers – Dust to Dust

  1. You’re forgiven the extra three words. ๐Ÿ™‚ But you could easily got to 100 (just as a couple of ideas): use just “hay” instead of “hay dust”, put a period after “his black hair” and start the next sentence with “She”, and in the last sentence, either leave out “surely” or say, “Her father’d said”. And there you go. Just one technical thing–barns don’t have paneling, they have boards. Paneling is what you’d put on walls in your home. Or you could say “slats.”

    janet

  2. kz says:

    i sooo can’t resist romance ๐Ÿ™‚ great job on this… nothing like rekindling an old flame and starting anew.. loved that last line.. i felt like she wasn’t just referring to the barn but to them as well ๐Ÿ™‚

  3. Nicely done. At first reading I thought she’d returned home after a while away and encountered the farm hand, Adam for the first time since then. Then I thought maybe he was the one returning. Either way, an interesting read.

  4. Dear Ellyn,
    No problem with the three word excess. If you hadn’t told me I’d never have known. My guess is that if you look hard enough you can pare it down to 100 but don’t feel like you have to. Nice story. I love a happy, romantic ending.
    Shalom,
    Rochelle

  5. kdillmanjones says:

    I love the simplicity of the last line, making me think more deeply about so many other things that might be fixed in life. Beautiful!

  6. That was my perception too, but it could be a little clearer. You might try shorter sentences in that main paragraph and identify the boy by name earlier in the story. (just a suggestion) I loved the title and the idea that he father must have caught them rolling in the hay ๐Ÿ™‚

  7. ellynvv says:

    It seems some people seemed to think they had killed the father, but my intentions weren’t so dark! Thanks Scott ๐Ÿ™‚

  8. I liked this but I wish it were clearer. The suggestion to name Adam earlier in the story may have helped and I to wonder, where is the body? if not the boy, than surely the father. This mainly comes from the title.

  9. Great story, well worth an extra 3 words, eally liked the history between them and the fact that it, and the old barn, can be fixed again. Loved he imagery, sunlight on his hair, aww….really liked this.

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