Open Letter to PETA concerning Pikachu

Dear PETA,

Well, I saw the interactive Pokemon spoof on your website, “Pokemon Black and Blue”, that you brought out in response to the release of the latest Pokemon videogame (Black and White 2), and I was not amused. What were you thinking, when you animated an image of Pikachu looking like he should be hospitalised immediately, with a torn ear and spots of matted blood in his yellow coat?

You were probably thinking you were making a clever statement about the fictional abuse of animals. This claim is a serious logical error at best and should be re-examined immediately to prevent loss of face on your part. For your benefit, I would like to helpfully point out that Pokemon are, in fact, imaginary, and while some Pokemon do closely resemble animals, others were modelled after mimes, magnets, ice cream, dragons and female figures. The last time I checked, you were not running a campaign to stop physical violence against mimes. Thus, I can only conclude you condone enslaving mimes to do battle in the real world, which strikes me as a very hypocritical and discriminatory policy.

Perhaps you are also not aware that apprehending a popular franchise aimed at children to deliver your own political message is not socially acceptable. When parents find out you have created a game in which Pikachu gets beaten half to death by a severely alcoholic pokemon trainer (as evidenced by the bottle in his hand and the crazy spirals for eyes), you should not be surprised if you receive some complaints, as children around the world will have been suffering from nightmares and a real fear of alcoholic beverages ever since viewing your game.

I became a fan of Pokemon way back in the late 1990s, and I distinctly seem to remember both the animated series and the videogames being all about friendship and respect in those days.  In fact, it strikes me as very curious that you have apparently not had a problem with the pokemon franchise for well over a decade. It makes me wonder if this has something to do with the introduction of Team Plasma as the villains in 2011, whose objective it was to liberate all pokemon from the bonds their trainers supposedly keep them in. Does that sound familiar to you? Or was it perhaps the twist at the end of the game, when it turned out that freeing pokemon wasn’t actually the organisation’s true motive,  that you began to suspect a connection with yourself? If so, I have to say your “Black and Blue” is a retaliation in particularly bad taste, and a decision you might want to rethink with your PR department.

Best Wishes,

A Very Concerned Pokemon Fan

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